Worst Kept Secrets

Brace yourself, blogosphere. I’m married, I own a dog, and I will soon return to you with an unholy vengeance. The time is nigh, though thou shalt not know the exact hour of my coming. But know, my children, that the beasts of the field shall meow and ask for ear scratches, the library patrons shall wail and gnash their teeth before the unknowable mysteries of the public copy machine, the air shall ring with the chorus of a million awkward apologies, and ye shall know that I type amongst you yet again. So have I written, so shall it be.