Worst Kept Secrets

I’m out of action right now due to a really nasty cold. I feel just fine, but I’m pretty miserable to be around with all the nose fluid action spewing forth. It’s bottomless - every time I get a runny nose like this, I find myself in total awe of my body’s ability to produce such a sheer quantity of something. If this was, say, oil, gold, or Beanie Babies during the nineties instead of snot, it’d be a miracle and I’d finally be able to file for superhero status. Instead, I’m just chomping sudafed and being gross in solitude. If we want to roll with Hippocrates’ theory of the four temperments, my absurd phlegm production right now should result in a calm, unemotional personality. I’ll just quote the wikipedia article:

While phlegmatics are generally self-content and kind, their shy personality can often inhibit enthusiasm in others and make themselves lazy and resistant to change. They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators and diplomats. Like the sanguine personality, the phlegmatic has many friends. However the phlegmatic is more reliable and compassionate; these characteristics typically make the phlegmatic a more dependable friend.

Well, that’s nice. I have occasional moments of calm, although I can’t remember the last time rationality won out over emotion. And I’m about as consistent as … ok, this shouldn’t be a hard metaphor to come up with … I was thinking trail mix, you know, because it’s got raisins, nuts, and other things of varying degrees of crunchiness and squishiness, but it’s not quite packing the punch I was hoping for. Oh good grief, what’s something that’s not very consistent? The functionality of my pirated satellite tv? The presence of taxis on the busy street near my house?

Fine, we’ll just go with trail mix. I’m consistent as trail mix. Or, more specifically, I’m as consistent as the mouth feel of trail mix (since, after all, trail mix is pretty consistently tasty).

All I’m really saying is WOW I am PHLEGMY right now, and I really wish it would stop. It’s finally warmed up here, the sky is blue, the pollution’s not so bad, and I should be running around outside having nonstop springlike adventures. I really, really, really hate my tendency to wait to get sick until I’ve got time off. I swear to god that my system waits until I have free time before it goes haywire on me like this. Whine whine whine whine whine whine. Sneeze, blow, whine.